Philippians 2:7-9
Growing up, the idea of addiction felt distant, scary, and confined to those living in serious sin and brokenness. Surely addiction would never be a part of my story. Yet, it has been. Not the easy-to-identify type of addiction, though. One far more masked.
Early on in life, I experienced the “high” of people’s approval. It gave me significance and worth. If I started feeling insecure or not enough, I’d figure out a way to maintain approval. On the outside, I wanted to portray a hard-working, confident, fruitful missionary, but on the inside, I was feeling confused, tired, unmotivated, and disconnected. I was desperately chasing worth through validation that would never satisfy.
Believing the lie that I’m not enough apart from the approval of others has been very costly. Not only to me, but also to those I care about deeply and to our ministry. It’s led to behaviors such as striving, control, comparison, and deceit. This broken part of me hasn’t been experiencing the liberated, joy-filled life that is already mine.
It seems Paul could relate. In Galatians 1, he says, “Am I trying to please people?” I can imagine his long list of accomplishments and accolades in Philippians 3:4-6 had felt exhausting! He had lived a life of striving, working hard to attain righteousness and the approval of others.
But then Jesus met him!
Paul’s encounter with the living Jesus (Acts 9) began to change everything! He began to understand his true identity. We learn more about Paul’s process in Philippians 3:7-9. “But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him…”
Paul went from striving to receiving. From people-pleasing to serving Christ alone. As I’ve taken time to meet with Jesus through inner-healing prayer and spiritual direction, he’s been replacing the lies I’ve come to believe with the truth of his love for me and of who I really am. My addiction to approval is losing its power as Jesus does his work of restoring my true identity, and as I extend grace and care to the broken parts of me that are being healed. More and more, I’m experiencing the liberated, joy-filled life that is mine.
Amber Moen
Inner Healing Prayer Leader