I began to write this devotion to share my “motivation” for fasting and quickly switched to my struggle with fasting but have landed on the title “My Fasting Journey”.
When I first learned about fasting, I dialed it down to refraining from eating as I prayed for an answer to my prayers. The battle for control was being fought by me. His grace and love were my answered prayers, years later.
Sometimes the prayers concerned me, but often they were for others. I remember fasting for those with health issues. I thought this would be a way to get my prayers answered. Many times, I didn’t have the answer by the end of my fast and I wasn’t sure “how I did” because there was no answer. I was slowly learning; my thinking was wrong.
As a person who has battled food issues, I now understand that my motivation was off base for a variety of reasons. My striving to not eat was not what He was looking for. I then had a friend say, “perhaps you should fast from things other than food.” I began to then change what I fasted from.
Last year I was visiting my daughter who was about to give birth. The Sunday before her due date we attended her church. The next day they were beginning a social media fast for 30 days. My first thought was “No way.” I admit this because social media was a “coveted” battle for my time. When I heard myself say “I could never do that” I knew He was beckoning me to do so. I knew I couldn’t do it alone, but with Him I could do this. I pressed in the next day.
I quickly realized that “extra” time with Him was so precious as compared to the one finger scroll on the phone that I was fasting from. What I thought would be a struggle was actually a period of freedom to spend with the Lord. I mean complete unattached freedom from the world.
The motivation is no longer set to “what I can do” or if I “do well” with the fast. I have experienced His gentleness in my journey of fasting. I have felt His trustworthy nature which affords me complete dependence on Him. He has led me and guided me through the many fasts and shown me things I would have never seen if my focus was not on Him. I can have tough days with the fast and He is still with me. Today, I prefer to cease striving, and stay close to my King. Yet, day by day -it is still a journey as He continues to open my eyes when I choose to fast.
Tammy De Armas
EFCC Member