Freedom To Feel
Several years in the trenches as a teacher kept me so buried, that I couldn’t do much more than eat, sleep and spend time with family. It wasn’t until December of my twenty-fifth year the first pangs of loneliness hit me. They appeared in the form of an entirely new, uncomfortable thought: “What if I grow old alone?” This was deeply unpleasant to consider. It was also a symptom of a strong desire I hadn’t realized was growing in me until that moment.
A few disappointments later, I started to get disillusioned and upset. And who was I upset with? God, of course, although it took me some time to realize that. (It’s so much easier to blame God than ourselves, isn’t it?) I grew too discouraged and tired to trust God did want good for me, and that good could ever come in the form of marriage. So I began to resent him, to give up asking him to help me trust him.
Then the pandemic hit. My life was placed on hold, except for the fresh waves of intense loneliness that crashed in like a flood. But what I began to realize (after I stopped asking God to help me trust him and obsessing over possibilities) was God was not to blame for my pain and disappointment. This was always true; I just couldn’t see it until I stopped imagining my future and who I would spend it with. Instead, I realized I was the one placing expectations for what I wanted onto God, and I had believed this was the specific way in which God would show me his goodness. I felt I deserved to get married (at just the right moment I wanted it to happen), and was angry at God for not delivering.
I am learning once again to trust my Father. Is it bad that I still want to be married? Of course not! However, God is calling me to trust him, especially at those times when I feel least like doing so. How do I live in the tension of trusting that God will bring me good things, but not expecting specific good things? I’m still in the throes of figuring that one out, folks (God’s gonna have to help me!). But I’m also rediscovering, in my heart of hearts, that God wants to lavish good things on me. It grieves me to look back at the time I’ve wasted feeling sorry for myself since God just wanted to shower me with goodness I kept rejecting because it wasn’t the kind of good I wanted. But this is now a part of my story, and God is using all these lessons to draw me back into his presence.
Instead of getting stuck in regret and dwelling on all I’ve missed, I’m reminded of what Paul exhorts us to do in Philippians: “But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (3:13-16). So let’s press on toward that prize, brothers, and sisters–no matter what our pasts or futures hold–and not grow weary; let us remember that our Lord is beside us when we are at our weakest!
Ashley Carr
Free to Remain
God uses unqualified people to reveal His heart. In Exodus 4, God used Moses, an unsure man with a speech impediment to champion His people out of slavery. In Joshua 2 he used a prostitute, Rahab, to rescue God’s chosen people as they traveled through dark cities to their Promised Land. In Luke 1, God used a virgin girl, Mary, to carry, give birth, and raise our Savior, Jesus. Like these, I don’t feel equipped and confident to share about singleness, but I’m on my own journey of discovering God’s goodness and graciousness in what can sometimes feel like a long, lonely, and tender journey.
I am 24 years old and single. I’ve dated, but the cards on the table just don’t seem to add up to the things I’ve been searching and hoping for. I have spent many recent days trying to figure out the problem. Why does God give gifts that I want to other people and not to me? What can I do in my own strength to achieve the things I desire, including not being single?
When I was asked to share about how I am “free to remain,” as 1 Corinthians 7:25-26 concludes that “it is good for a person to remain as he is,” I thought, “I didn’t realize that.” I am now learning right along with you.
A couple of weeks ago, in the middle of uncertainty, silence, and rejection in the area of dating, I woke up in the middle of the night with feelings of extreme sadness, emptiness, and longing. I felt so anxious that I literally did not know what to do. I remembered that I’d been, up until that point, praying for weeks for God to fix my situation, to change somebody else’s mind, to work out some sort of miracle so that my deep desires of finding belonging and family could be fulfilled. It wasn’t an “I-want-what-I-want-when-I-
I am…
Free to long, desire, and remain patient.
Free to put me out there, and remain of sound mind when prospects enter and leave my life.
Free to feel discouraged and remain hopeful that God’s plan is sweeter than I can imagine.
Free to pray for change, and remain confident that His ultimate plan is unchangeable.
Free to be confused and ask God for vision and clarity when working through heartbreak.
Free to cry, and let God’s fullness and peace wash over me; remaining in my places of emptiness and longing.
I find comfort in Sam McCabe’s lyrics from his song, Friend in the Fire.
God is with us on that long, lonely, and tender journey. He is willing and able to provide the daily and hourly love that we long for. All you need, dear one, is to remain.
Sarah Adams
Junior High Intern
Free to Serve
Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. (1 Corinthians 7:17)
When Paul was writing to the Corinthians, he had an expectation that the world was passing away (v. 26). He contended they should stay in their current state, whatever it was. There was persecution at that time and they expected the Lord to come back very quickly. Even if this situation wasn’t the case, how should we live in light of Jesus’ resurrection and return?
In 1 Corinthians 7:7, Paul refers to a gift. We assume there is a “gift of singleness.” Some people wear it well, others struggle against it. We are all born single and many of us spend more years of our lives single than married. Is there such a thing, then, as the gift of singleness, or is it just the circumstances in which we find ourselves?
If I am single, does that mean I never struggle with loneliness? Was Paul not lonely at times, shut up in prison, and separated from his friends? Does it mean I never struggle with sexual temptations or what to do with my passions? I think Paul would have said it did not. What single and married people alike have to face is finding a place of contentment where they are. If we look not at the difficulties, but the benefits of singleness, we begin to find an answer.
Paul points out that married people are somewhat conflicted (v. 32-34). If my thought is, “I want to serve the Lord, but I also have to look after my family,” I can’t stay focused on the Lord. It isn’t that serving a spouse isn’t in line with God’s will but it may slow us down. Is my spouse as devoted to the Lord as I am? If not, we can’t run ahead. Do I look to my spouse for spiritual guidance and support? Then I may not depend as much as I should on the Lord.
Being single may push us to the Lord like nothing else. Who understands our struggles and desires better than He? Who knows the future and His plans for our lives better than He? Who can love us more than He does? Whatever longings we want marriage to satisfy, a spouse may not satisfy them, but Jesus does. In addition, what we have is the freedom to serve, the impulse to pray, and the satisfaction of being close to someone who is completely trustworthy. When He calls us, we can go. When He sends us, we proceed with His authority and power. We can sacrifice ourselves in service without being concerned with leaving dependents behind.
Paul was saying, under persecution and with the Lord’s imminent return, it is better we remain single. Whether we are single or married, however, contentment in the Lord is what we seek.
Esther Morrow
Cartographer, SIL International
EFCC Member
Fully Devoted
Years ago, my marriage ended and I found myself raising my son as a single parent. The pain was intense, and I started looking for men to date to validate my divorce. I somehow thought if I remarried then people would assume my ex-husband was the issue, not me. I thought by remarrying my world would be all good again.
One lonely day I recall pouring out my heart to the Lord and begging him to take away my pain. I was sure another relationship would heal my wounds. It was at that moment that I clearly heard God say, “Vicki, I don’t promise anyone tomorrow. I want you to live for today and experience all I have in store for you.” I realized right then my job was not to look for another mate but to look fully into the eyes of my Lord and whatever he had for me each new day.
One Sunday morning I heard Dr. Richard Strauss preach at the small church I was attending. His words gripped my soul, so when I discovered he was the pastor at a large church in Escondido I thought, “Perfect! I can go and hide out there.” After attending Emmanuel Faith for two years, I decided to become a member. It just felt like the right thing to do. Following the membership class, a woman named Francie stood at the door and asked the people leaving where they hoped to serve. I responded with, “I’m a divorced woman.”
Francie said back to me, “So?”
I thought she must have not heard me so I repeated my statement. Yet again, her response was the same followed by “do you love Jesus and desire to serve him?” I was speechless. The love and acceptance I had been searching for overwhelmed me; finally, I had found a home.
I started out serving in the four-year-olds classroom because they wouldn’t ask where my son’s daddy was. While singleness was not my preference, and it was often lonely and frustrating, I slowly became accustomed to this new reality. Since then I have been invited to serve in multiple areas of ministry including College, Women’s, Counseling, and Missions. Each opportunity has brought me closer to my Lord.
Singleness is not what I had hoped for years ago, nor is it what I prefer today, but it is where the Lord has me. It has in many ways brought me to a place that Paul shares about in 1 Corinthians 7:35, “to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” In my aloneness, I have turned to the Lord over and over again for comfort, encouragement, and grace. He has brought me so much joy and it is out of my woundedness he has healed me and allowed me to go on to help others. Regardless of my circumstances, I would not choose anything over full devotion to my Lord.
Vicki Stone
College and Counseling Ministries
EFCC Member
A Seat at the Table
1 Corinthians 7:8
I have a friend who went to seminary to be a pastor, graduated from a reputable school with an MDIV, and is absolutely great with people, but he was never able to find a job working as a pastor in the church. It wasn’t for lack of effort, he’d applied for different positions in different denominations, but nothing ever panned out. It turned out there was one thing missing from his resume and it wasn’t any education, skillset, or experience. It was the fact he wasn’t married. My friend termed it his “fourth finger disability.” His ring finger was void of necessary adornment that would have made him hirable within the church.
While his story is unique to him, and while there are certainly other circumstances that surround his journey, the truth remains, that in many churches, being married is an unspoken requirement of being on staff. Many single people also express they are often treated as being less mature than those who are married as if they’re missing a key component to adulthood. In many ways, this devotion is more of a manifesto and a stake in the sand to say that’s not right. The last time I checked, Jesus was single. If we wouldn’t hire Jesus as a pastor or consider him to be a mature adult, then it should cause us to rethink, well, everything! In addition to that, Paul wrote to the Corinthian church saying, “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.” (1 Cor. 7:8)
Somewhere along the way, we lost sight of a vision for singleness that is not only acceptable but in some scenarios even preferable. It appears the church’s vision for marriage is, at times, based more on convictions about love formed in the Romantic Era than grounded in Scripture. Marriage is often baptized as God’s universal calling for all people, even though Paul states some would “be happier if they remain single.” (1 Cor. 7:40)
As one reads through 1 Corinthians 7 with the lens toward singleness, it becomes clear Jesus has a great plan for single people, and it’s not just for them to get married someday. In this chapter, we see the way single people are a distinct part of God’s plan to build his kingdom and integral parts of the family we call the church. Because of that, our desire at EFCC is for single people to know they are full, contributing parts of our church. We’re not waiting on anyone to get married before they feel welcome, there is a single seat always open at our table.
If you are single, please know you are welcome and valued here. If you are married, invite one of your single friends over for dinner this week and ask them about their journey as a single person in the church.
Ryan Paulson
Lead Paulson
With God
This past weekend, Pastor Ryan taught from 1 Corinthians 7:17-24. So much can be learned from this passage about remaining in Christ, regardless of our circumstances. Yet two little words at the end of verse 24 provide a wealth of hope, wisdom, and direction for followers of Jesus. Those two words are: with God. 1 Corinthians 7:24 says, “So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.” Oh what an incredible comfort those two words bring to the soul of a believer who is longing for intimacy with his or her Lord.
So what does it really mean to be “with God”? I can recall times in my life when the shame of sin caused me to resist honesty and vulnerability with God, and yet, my soul still longed for intimacy with him. I was afraid to face my selfish decisions, yet my Savior was wooing me to himself with his love, mercy, and grace. He longed for me to be “with him”. Have you ever had the experience where you can barely look yourself in the mirror, and yet, you know that your Abba is standing there with open arms calling out, “Come, my child, be with me… abide in my love.”
One definition of intimacy says that it is a state of being fully known. When we are fully known, we have nothing to hide. This is why the word intimacy is often used to describe sexual relations. Two people are willing to be fully naked with each other with nothing to hide. Intimacy with God however goes even deeper to the in-most depths of our soul. All of our sorrows, anguish, fears, joys, hopes, and expectations are revealed to God with honesty and transparency. There is no fear of judgment and no concern about getting it right. We just long to be with our God.
Henri Nouwen says, “Intimacy is not a happy medium. It is a way of being in which the tension between distance and closeness is dissolved and a new horizon appears. Intimacy is beyond fear.” You see, when we experience full intimacy with God, all fear is gone because we fully trust him. We have come to a place of surrender regardless of our circumstances. We relinquish our will to him and nothing matters except for being in his presence. This is the gift that your Abba is holding out to you. Do you long to be with your God?
Lynette Fuson
Director of Care & Counseling
Bound By?
1 Corinthians 7:22
For he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise, he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ.
Do you feel free? The question is broad and the simple answer is yes, of course. I remember the freedom of riding my bike and feeling like I was invincible until a crash with another bike and I realized I needed to pay more attention! Do you remember when you first got your driver's license? For me, it was a feeling of freedom, I could now go wherever I wanted. Of course, I was bound by the rules of my parents, the state laws, and the cost of gas. The freedom I thought I had, was still tied to so many other factors. I was not free in an actual sense. In Corinth, Paul had to address the real issue of freedom and slavery in the congregation.
In Galatians, Paul had to deal with the bondage of tradition and desperately wanted the people to accept their freedom (Galatians 5). However, that was more heritage and the sign of Abraham than the issue in Corinth. Jesus talked about freedom in John 8, which had more to do with being a slave to sin than to man. That is what makes this passage unique. Paul uses some reverse thinking to get the whole congregation on the same page. Jesus determines who we are, so if we were a slave, we are now free. If you were free, then you are now a slave to Christ. He does this to help people understand that their current circumstances (it could be traditional, spiritual, or cultural) might make things difficult or painful, but we have to trust in Christ. Of course, when I think about Paul's statement in light of the desire of being free from slavery, this is not the answer I would want from him. Yet he says something profound that is needed to hear his advice. We all are bound to Christ, we are all under his authority for eternity. Whatever position you are in now remember it is temporary. The freedom we find in Jesus allows us to face the struggle of circumstance because he redeems the hope for the future.
So back to my first question, do you feel free? Here is what I would like you to do: Take a moment and talk to Jesus about what he has done to set you free. Next, take a moment to talk to Jesus about where maybe something still has you bound, confess it, and ask him to help you find freedom. As always, we are here to talk and pray, to help where we can. Praying for you all.
Jeremy Johnson
Family Pastor
The Vicious Spiral of Obedient Love!
Some things don’t matter and some things really matter.
Sometimes the things that don’t matter get the most fuss and attention.
Sometimes the things that really matter get neglected.
Paul writes about this tendency in 1 Corinthians 7. People were getting caught up in debates about different kinds of status: circumcised or not, enslaved or not, married or not. In verse 19 he writes about what is important, “Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God.”
Paul said almost the exact same thing in Galatians 5:6, “For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.”
This devotional is badly named. The term vicious spiral is there to invoke the image of a scenario in which one action cascades and builds upon another. A vicious cycle (or spiral) represents things progressively getting worse and worse. I see the Scriptures describing obedience in a similar spiraling way, but without it being mean, vicious, or negative. Paul says what matters is keeping God’s commandments, which he explains means a life of faith expressing itself through love towards God and others. Jesus further emphasizes what obedience looks like in John 15:17 when he point-blank explains obedience, “This is my command: Love each other.”
Obeying God’s commands looks like loving people. This is what really matters! Pray that our church might spiral in obedient love.
John Riley
Junior High Pastor
Limitless Limits
“Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk.” (1 Corinthians 7:17)
In tomorrow’s devotional, Pastor John Riley is going to share with us what it means to walk with God. But for today I want to think together about the circumstantial limits we sometimes put on ourselves, limits that lead us to believe we are not in a position to “walk well”.
A rather famous saying around Emmanuel Faith is, “Do the next right thing.” I wonder, are there ever any external limitations that prevent this from happening? It seems the Corinthians would have said, “Yes.” In fact, I think we can discern from the text that there are some in the church who believe they cannot walk well unless and until they are no longer slaves. And while it’s not in this week’s passage specifically, I don’t think it a far stretch to say there are others who think they can’t “walk well” until they are married, or maybe even until they are divorced.
A challenge for all of us, when we experience the Lord assigning situations we find uncomfortable or undesirable, is to avoid going to a place where we feel comfortable making excuses for our lack of obedience. It’s as if we say, “Well if He really wanted me to obey, He wouldn’t have ordained this. He knows obedience is literally impossible right now.” The biggest problem with this line of thinking is simply that Paul refutes it!
The reality is this -- if God knew there to be some particular set of circumstances He could send our way which would make obedience impossible, He would then be guilty of deceiving us as well as setting us up for failure. Fortunately, that is not who He is. And because that is not who He is, we are presented with this challenge from verse 17 -- rather than looking at our lives in order to identify all of the (perceived) barriers to obedience, we are to look for all of the opportunities for obedience. And there is a gazillion! Emmanuel Faith, we are called to “walk well” as we travel the road the “Lord has assigned” to us. Sometimes that is easier said than done.
I don’t know what limits have been placed on you right now, but I do know the opportunities for obedience, the opportunities to do the “next right thing,” are limitless. It might take a perspective shift to see them, but they are there.
My prayer for you and for me today is that God will open our eyes to the boundless opportunities for obedience and for “walking well,” regardless of what obstacles we might face. And why would I pray this? Because I know, as do you, that it is in obedience to Him that we come to know Him better. And I know we all want that!
Scott Smith
Connection and Growth Pastor
First of Their Kind
It was 1989 when my parents, my brother, and I decided to follow Jesus. We didn’t know it at the time, but our decision isolated our family from most of our relatives and friends. All of a sudden, our grandparents weren’t welcoming us to their house any longer, our relatives stopped inviting us to their parties, and our friends began to make fun of us. This was a very tough season for my family, and we didn’t know how to react or what to do in order to be accepted. But we weren’t the only ones. In 1990, in Mexico, less than 5% of the population was Protestant and most evangelicals back then shared similar experiences to ours. I know it sounds terrible, but as I recall, it wasn’t as bad as it sounds. Certainly, our social lives were drastically changed as we became “Hermanos” but God opened up our lives to new and exciting things and relationships. God provided for us a new family and a new group of friends within His people who taught us the fundamentals of how to live as disciples of Jesus. I’m grateful that God put people willing to spiritually invest in us during those formative years of our walking with Christ.
I’m sure that since I was living in a different social context than you, my experience may be completely different from yours, in the same way, that both our experiences may differ from the experience of the members of the first-century Corinthian church. To begin with, the Corinthian believers were the first of their kind, and they lived in one of the most promiscuous and pagan cities in Greece. In Corinth, marriage was nothing more than a simple transaction and the divorce rates were very high. On top of that, about 70% of the Corinthian population lived as slaves. So, most likely some within the Corinthian church members were former pagans, who may have gone through divorce or remarriage, and who most likely lived under the oppression of slavery. It’s without a doubt that the Corinthian church members were trying to live their new lives in Christ under unthinkable social pressure.
As you can imagine, it didn’t take long for some of them to consider using some of their new beliefs as a justification to react socially. The slaves wanted freedom, the married wanted a divorce, the Jewish believers wanted the Gentiles believers to get circumcised, and so on. To all of this, the apostle Paul responded that they should remain in the situation they were in when God called them (1 Cor. 7:20, NIV). Paul’s words to this first-generation church challenged them to embrace and invest themselves in their spiritual transformation instead of trying to change their social circumstances on their own. For God is more interested in transforming our hearts than in changing our social reality.
Esteban Tapia
Pastor of Spanish Language Ministries
